Pet Peeve Paddles

In 2002, I went to the NY State Fair with one of my friends from college. We went into one of the big vendor tents where, if you're shrewd (or at least breathing), you can get some interesting freebies. Many of the vendors were giving away cardboard "paddle/fans" printed with their company logo. They had wooden handles that resembled paint stirrers. The idea is that it's hot at the State Fair and if you walk around fanning yourself with one of their paddles, it's free advertising. (Chico will always be a New Yorker at heart...but he definitely loves Montreal!)

Well, since living in Montreal, I came up with an idea that would use similar technology. I would get myself one of those fashionably huge purses (a trend I have not as of yet embraced). Then I would fabricate a special pocket in which I would store, not one, but rather a series of such paddles. My paddles could serve to fan myself on a hot day, but more importantly, each one would bear a specific message--a message that would allow me technically to hold my tongue but still inform my fellow city dweller of his or her antisocial behavior. Of course, being in a rather bilingual culture, they would be reversible--in French on one side and English on the other.

Here's a sampling...

For the smokers:
"It's generally not a good idea to smoke when you're pregnant."
-or-
"You're not supposed to smoke in the metro station."

For the litterbugs:
"There's a garbage can right over there."
-or-
"You seemed to have dropped something!"

For the headset set:
"I'm really not interested in listening to your iPod with you."
-or-
"Maybe you should turn off your iPod (cellphone, etc.) and pay a little attention to your kid."

For the fashion-challenged:
"You might want to reconsider those pants (shoes, blouse, etc.) before leaving the house."
(OK sorry, maybe that's a little mean..)

For the oblivious:
"You could help bag your groceries instead of watching the cashier do it while we're all waiting behind you."
-or-
"Of course it's fine if your dog uses the sidewalk as its toilet--the sweet aroma of shit in its various stages of decomposition is delightful."

And lastly, the roadster paddle:
"I think your turn signal might be malfunctioning."

What custom message would you print on your paddles?