Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Immigration 101

As I wrote a few weeks ago, I recently became a permanent resident of Quebec. After Toronto, (and followed closely by Vancouver), Montreal is the city that receives the most immigrants in Canada, around 40,000 in 2008 . I am a proud member of the class of 2009.

In establishing myself in Montreal, I had to import my car, register and insure my car, import my furniture and belongings, change banks, doctors, dentists, get a temporary social security card, then a permanent one, procure a temporary work permit, sign up for the famous health insurance, file tax returns in two countries and the list goes on.

You would think that with 40,000 immigrants per year, the government and essential workers like bankers and doctors, would be rather well-informed in dealing with folks like me. But actually,on nearly each occasion, it is I who become the teacher of Immigration 101: Bijou style.

When I first moved, I opened a bank account at HSBC in Plattsburgh, NY. Since I hadn't sold my house yet and still had related expenses, I wanted to keep an American account (also handy when Grandma sends me a check for $25 for my birthday). HSBC's motto is "the world's local bank." Sounds perfect right? Well, it was so far from it. It took four weeks to process a Canadian postal money order. That did not seem very local. And I couldn't do any transactions at the Canadian branches of HSBC. So why did having an account at the world's local bank mean that I had to drive an hour and a half and go through customs any time I had a deposit to make. Not practical, no!

So then I found out that the Caisse Populaire Desjardins, a co-op type bank, offered accounts in US dollars. So I jumped on that. Even though I couldn't have an ATM card and had to go into the counter to do all my transactions, I thought it would be worth it. It probably is the best solution, but it would be better if they trained their tellers how to deal with these accounts. Every single time I've used this account for occasional withdrawals and deposits, the teller has had to call a supervisor to double-check the procedures. You would think that by now I would've encountered all the tellers. Apparently not. The supervisors know me by face and give me a smile of recognition each time, at least they get it.

As of April 1st, I am officially covered by the Canadian government's famous health insurance. But during the waiting period between being granted permanent residency and that date, all my prenatal care was nonetheless covered (one has got to take proper care of those future little Quebeckers). OK, I admit that probably few of the 40,000 annual immigrants are pregnant, but still. You should see the looks on the faces of the hospital employees when I show them the letter that says that my prenatal care is covered even though I don't have insurance until April 1st. Without fail, they start off by telling me, "you're going to have to pay up front and then try to get reimbursed." Then I show them the reverse side of my doctor's orders where the hospital accounting department has stamped their approval. I usually have to do this twice, once for the original employee and once for his/her supervisor. The hospital accountant knows me and greets me warmly each time I come by. Ironically, one time when I was at her office, she was training someone new and she actually said "oh this is good, you don't see this very often." At least she gets it, and thanks to me, so does her new employee.

So you see, thanks to my personalized version of Immigration 101, many Canadian employees are now better at their jobs. Glad to be contributing positively to society. Glad to be of service.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Pet Peeve Paddles

In 2002, I went to the NY State Fair with one of my friends from college. We went into one of the big vendor tents where, if you're shrewd (or at least breathing), you can get some interesting freebies. Many of the vendors were giving away cardboard "paddle/fans" printed with their company logo. They had wooden handles that resembled paint stirrers. The idea is that it's hot at the State Fair and if you walk around fanning yourself with one of their paddles, it's free advertising. (Chico will always be a New Yorker at heart...but he definitely loves Montreal!)

Well, since living in Montreal, I came up with an idea that would use similar technology. I would get myself one of those fashionably huge purses (a trend I have not as of yet embraced). Then I would fabricate a special pocket in which I would store, not one, but rather a series of such paddles. My paddles could serve to fan myself on a hot day, but more importantly, each one would bear a specific message--a message that would allow me technically to hold my tongue but still inform my fellow city dweller of his or her antisocial behavior. Of course, being in a rather bilingual culture, they would be reversible--in French on one side and English on the other.

Here's a sampling...
For the smokers:
"It's generally not a good idea to smoke when you're pregnant."
-or-
"You're not supposed to smoke in the metro station."

For the litterbugs:
"There's a garbage can right over there."
-or-
"You seemed to have dropped something!"

For the headset set:
"I'm really not interested in listening to your iPod with you."
-or-
"Maybe you should turn off your iPod (cellphone, etc.) and pay a little attention to your kid."

For the fashion-challenged:
"You might want to reconsider those pants (shoes, blouse, etc.) before leaving the house."
(OK sorry, maybe that's a little mean..)

For the oblivious:
"You could help bag your groceries instead of watching the cashier do it while we're all waiting behind you."
-or-
"Of course it's fine if your dog uses the sidewalk as its toilet--the sweet aroma of shit in its various stages of decomposition is delightful."

And lastly, the roadster paddle:
"I think your turn signal might be malfunctioning."
What custom message would you print on your paddles?